watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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