He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
