look no pants
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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