Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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