Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
