So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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