Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
