There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
