now i know why i became what i already was.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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