Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
