dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
