Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
