im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize