it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
