I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
