Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
