are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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