i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
