his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
