i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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