He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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