uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
