Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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