I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
