Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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