the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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