You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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