Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
