I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
