11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You have to summon your inner elephant
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
