I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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