matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
