Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
