Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize