Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
