she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I smell like Dick and happiness
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
