I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
