I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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