Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize