nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
