i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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