She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
