i just wanna soil my oats bro
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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