I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
