I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize