We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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