dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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