If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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