Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
