I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
