You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
two words...techno handjob
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize