Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
