There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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