One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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