my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
