Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
