In the future we'll all be gay
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
