best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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