Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
