Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize