How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
