it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
