so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
