things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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