he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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