Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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