Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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