Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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