id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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