Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
