so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
