Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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