The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
