he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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