I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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