this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
