Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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