Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
