The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
