I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
