there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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