I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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