I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
