He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
