Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
