When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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