Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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