idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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