I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
