She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Never underestimate the power of titties
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
