You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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