2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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