you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize