It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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