yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
